Warning: Sexual content

I'm having a Passion Party tomorrow. I'm so excited! As guests respond, so many of them say, "I don't know who's more excited, me or my hubby!"

Wish I could say the same about mine.

Last night I was looking at the party catalog and I asked John to look with me. He took less than a minute and picked out a couple lotions. I started to show him my list and as I was talking about it, he says, "I think this winter I'll put the snowmobile trailer under the pontoon boat."

What??!!

Where the hell did that come from?

Now, when I went to my friend's Passion Party, I asked John what I should get and he said, "We don't need anything."

Well, how absolutely boring!

I get that he isn't into bringing 'toys' into the bedroom, but is there anything wrong with a little (edible?) massage lotion, a little bubble bath? I think not.

I've always felt that I was the more, to put it politely, aggressive one in our relationship. I believe that I initiate more, that I'm more adventurous, and, quite frankly, more giving.

Also, I feel like the more weight I lose, the less interest he shows for me. I want to feel sexy and desired. I want him to, God! Everything! I want him to make me feel sexy. I want him to look at me like he wants me. I want him to touch me. I want more than a chaste kiss on the check or lips. Pull me into your arms and make my knees go weak! Show me that I'm more to you than a housekeeper/cook/babysitter during the day, a helper for your weekend projects, and a quick way to get off at night! I feel so stupid; I'm actually starting to cry.

I was reading a book the other day and something in it really hit home. A mother was telling her daughter that when she (the daughter) was in a relationship, make sure that her lover loves/wants her more than she loves/wants him.

I wonder if John received the same talk.

Additional Notes:

I get that a man (or woman in some cases) may not want to think that something more is needed/desired in the bedroom because he/she isn't enough. But I wasn't wanting to buy vibrators or butt plugs (Yikes)! My list consisted of edible lotions, bath salts, etc. The most erotic thing on my list was a feather tickler - which I was told not to get!

I do not think that John is cheating on me. That is one thing that neither of us would tolerate. And we do kiss - it's just rarely anything earthshattering. Before he leaves for work, we exchange kisses and hugs. Same when he gets home.

Maybe (probably?) I'm just a bitch and asking for too much. Just as I am aggressive, he is not. Maybe I turn him off? Maybe I should play the shy, demure wife? It's just so not me. *sigh*

I love him dearly, and I know that he loves me. I just find him so sexy and I wish that he would feel - and show - the same for me.