Nikki's Sweet Nothings

Resolutions?

2006-01-04T18:25:00.000-06:00

Continuing resolution for me - get another 20 pounds off.

My sister got engaged over New Year's and asked me to be her Matron of Honor. The wedding is in November.

My ten year high school reunion is this summer.

I have reasons to lose the weight - besides just feeling better about myself.

I have a work out buddy now. My friend, Sherry, is coming over a couple times a week. We pop in a workout tape and exercise together. I never thought I'd be the type that would want to work out with someone. Always thought I should sweat alone - no one wants to see that - right??!! It really is a lot of fun and it goes a lot faster - even though we're doing the same tapes that I've done alone forever!

We had a wonderful Christmas and New Years. Lots of friends and family. Lots of food and drinks - 7 pounds back on to show for it. Ah well. It's coming off quickly now that I'm not gorging myself anymore.

Hope you are well.

Hey there!

2005-12-05T17:40:00.000-06:00

Don't know if anyone checks in anymore. I've been on computer vacation for awhile.

Life is good here. Weight loss is not going so good. I've started my holiday baking and have gained 3 pounds back.

*sigh*

It just tastes so dang good!

I've got my Christmas shopping all done. Just have to wrap now. We have our tree up and lights on. When John gets back from his service trip, we will decorate.

My birthday is Wednesday. Wish I could get a tummy tuck. I got my present from John early - diamond earrings. They are beautiful and he was very proud that he picked them out himself.

I thought work would be slowing down, but it's not. I've been putting in 6-7 hour days. Considering that I'm supposed to be part time, that's more than I want!

I have to get started on making my Christmas cards. I got a cute reindeer stamp and will include a package of 'magic reindeer food' (oatmeal & white glitter) for kids to throw outside on Christmas Eve so that the reindeer get a snack, too.

Life as usual around here. Sorry I don't have anything exciting to report!

PS for Chris - my belly button piercing didn't hurt AT ALL! Go for it! I *love* mine!!! I'll take a pic somtime soon.

3rd Place

2005-11-02T17:18:00.000-06:00

So here we are. Ginger (Sherry), Skipper (Steve), Gilligan (John), & Mary Ann (me).

No, I didn't dye my hair. I listened to all of you and got a wig.

I did do something for myself on Friday, tho. Got my belly button pierced. Been wanting to do that for awhile, but thought my 'tire' around my middle didn't fit with belly jewelry. Last week I was going back and forth. Then I thought, go for it. I'm going to be comfortable with my body and stop worrying that it's not perfect. No, I'm not going to stop trying to lose the last 10 pounds, but I'm going to stop beating myself up over it.

Sorry for the detour there!

So we went to the Halloween party and took third place. First went to Wild Bill & his saloon girl. Second went to four older guys wearing Hooters costumes. Had a wonderful time at the party. Sang Kareokee (sp?) and danced a lot.

We took the kids trick or treating that afternoon. They weren't really into it. Jessica was more excited about walking thru the leaves. We were only out for about an hour.

Taught Sunday School Sunday morning, came home and took a three hour nap. It was wonderful! Then we took the kids to McD's with another couple and their two kids. Pretty relaxing weekend.

Thanks, Daddy.

2005-10-23T19:10:00.000-05:00

So my dad had a long talk with John the other day. I wasn't told specifics of the conversation, but John has been really nice to me since then. John said I just have to tell him what and when I want to do something, whether it be a couple thing, family, or time by myself.

Daddy done good.

My mom, sister, and I are planning our annual girls overnight Christmas shopping trip. I think we're going to go the second weekend in November. We tell our men that we're going Christmas shopping for everyone, but it usually turns out to be shopping for ourselves along with some nice dinners and conversation. This will be our fourth trip and they haven't caught on yet. hehehe.

John and I are going to be Gilligan and Mary Ann for Halloween. Our friends, Steve and Sherry are going to be Skipper and Ginger. We're trying to convince another couple to be Mr. & Mrs. Howe (sp?). The Halloween party is next Sat. I'm going to dye my hair black on the day of. Just a wash in color.....hopefully it will wash out in the time stated! If not, at least I'll be spared from hearing blonde jokes for awhile.

So there's a quick update on what's up with me. I find that I visit everyone else's blog and by time I get updated and think I'm going to write a quick blurb on mine, I have to get off the computer. I need to write more so that I am more accountable with my weight. I weighed in at 150 on Friday. 10 pounds 'til goal. I'd really like to hit goal by my birthday (Dec 7) or Christmas.

What to be?

2005-10-13T19:33:00.000-05:00

John & I have been trying to decide what to be for Halloween this year. Last year we won third prize for being Dr. Phil & Oprah. Note the *lovely* picture to your left. John was standing on his tip toes and I was squatting down to get the right 'effect'. The year before, we won second place for being s'mores. I was the chocolate (of course) and he was the marshmallow. This year, we'd really like to win first place.

I'd like to sex it up a bit this year. My vote is for either Gilligan and Mary Ann, 'poke'ahontas (indian) and cowboy, or a desperate housewife and the hot plumber neighbor. I told John I wouldn't mind if he showed a little sexy hinder crack. LOL!

I love Halloween. I love fall. I adore Indian summers. After a frost, it feels so good when it gets warm again - even for just a little while.

Jessica is going to be a bat witch and Jacob is going to be a Ninja for like the fourth year in a row. I was smart this year and bought one that was a little bigger because he'll probably want to be a ninja again next year. I kept hoping that he would pick something else, but every year he want to be the same thing. I think it's because deadly weapons come with the costume....it's a boy thing.

We're going to go get our pumpkins this weekend. Do the whole hay ride thing and get our caramel apples. And, yes, I'm gonna eat one and enjoy it to the fullest! So *thwwwwwwwwwwwpppppp*!

Hello? Anybody out there?

2005-10-11T17:30:00.000-05:00

I'm here. Thanks everyone for your emails and such checking on me. I have been in such a funk the past few weeks. I tried to wean myself off of my Effexor (antidepressant). It was a reminder as to why I don't try to do that.

My normal dose is 225mg. Each week I cut back 75mg, so I went from 225 to 150 to 75 to 0. I was completely off of them for almost two full days. On the second day as I was driving home, every tree and phone pole that I past looked like it was calling out to me 'Just slam into me....it'll be over quick....you won't have to feel anything anymore...' Yes, it sounds horrible and selfish, but I was absolutely miserable and not thinking straight. As soon as I got home, I ran into the house and gulped down two pills. Note to self - MUST TAKE MEDS!!!

So I'm back up to regular dosage, but still feeling down.

I'm out of NutriSystem food. Yup, doing it all on my own. I'm been varying between 150 & 154lbs the past few weeks. I'm sure my emotional upheaval didn't help my weight loss at all. Hopefully this next month will be more productive.

I haven't been exercising either. Nothing more than taking a walk with the kids or roaming around the yard. Does grocery shopping count as exercise? I carry all the bags into the house myself....

John asked how I was the other day. I said, 'lonely.' He's been either gone with 'the boys' or down in his shop with 'the boys'. There's always some project that they are suppose to be working on. I think it's more bullshitting than anything.

I've really been wanting to go shopping. A lot of my clothes are getting really baggy on me. A little retail therapy might be in order!

Lurking

2005-09-18T12:56:00.000-05:00

I've just been lurking on the blogs and NSBB this week. Haven't felt much like writing. John has been home all week. Only had one night when Shawn came over to work on the basement. They actually got something accomplished!

Work is still going good. I really miss being at home, tho. I'm not getting to any of the projects that I had planned for when the kids were in school. I haven't made John's lunch or breakfast since I started working. Suprised he hasn't complained about that.

We went atving with three other couples yesterday up in Black River Falls. Found lot of mud and puddles to play in. I posted some pictures to my Fickr Site.

It's such a beautiful day here today. I'm going to get out to my garden since it's been seriously neglected the past couple of weeks. I'm really going to miss summer. Summer seems so short and winter seems to drag on forever.

I only have NS dinners left in the pantry. Been doing my own food for my other meals. Hasn't been a difficult change at all. It's been really nice to eat some different food. I didn't realize how bored I was getting of the NS food.

Single Parent?!

2005-09-08T20:25:00.000-05:00

I've felt like a single parent this week. And no, John isn't out of town for business. Our weekend was so good. We were doing lots of things together, enjoying family things, couple things, individual things. Then Monday hit.

There's a big parade and carnival in Randolph every year on Labor Day. Usually, we all go together. John didn't want to go, so I took the kids along with Sherry and her son, Kyle, because Steve didn't want to go either. We watched the parade. The kids got caught candy and we bought them popcorn and soda. Then we went down to the park for the carnival. The kids went on rides - they were a lot more expensive than when I was a kid! Then they got snow cones (Jacob), cotton candy (Jessica), and ice cream (Kyle). We watched the tractor pulls and around 2, decided it was time to head home.

We got home and John and Steve were putting a wench on Steve's four wheeler. I could smell the beer on John as I got closer. We ended up going over to Steve's house (he lives down the road from us) for a cookout and some fishing. John kept on drinking and I could tell that it was taking effect, know what I mean?! I had two drinks - knowing that 1)I'm a lightweight and 2) one of us had to take care of the kids. After supper, I took the kids home to get them ready for school the next day. John came home quite awhile after.

On Tuesday, I ended up working until 4:30p - it was just a crazy day. I guess not everyone got the message that I'm only supposed to work until 12p! LOL! I had to return movies to the library and called John to see if he would like to go with and have McD's for supper. He said sure, BUT he was going to '...just stop for one after work.' I said ok, but don't be too long.

I got home and told the kids that we were going to McD's for supper. Everyone's excited. It's 5:00, 5:30, 6, 6:30, no John. I know that one beer doesn't take 2 hours to finish! The kids (and me!) were really hungry, so I ended up throwing something together for supper for them to eat and nuked one of my NS meals for me. Then we ran the movies back to Beaver Dam, picked up some groceries quick, and got home just in time to get ready for bed. John didn't get home from the bar until 9p.

Wednesday at 4p, I found out that the end of the season volleyball party was that night. We had been told that it was next Tuesday! I rushed around trying to find a sitter, but couldn't get one. So did we stay home? One of us did. Care to guess who? Sure, John said 'why don't you go', but it was said in that tone with that look. He didn't get home until 11p.

Tonight was open house at school. I went with the kids because John was working on the basement (we're finishing it off) with his buddy, Shawn. This was the first night that he worked on it. Why couldn't he have started tomorrow? And it wasn't just building going on. I went downstairs to get something before we left for the open house and they were sitting in the garage bullshitting and *suprise* drinking beer! And AGHHHHHHHHH they're still down there!

Not only have I felt completely alone all week, I've been sleeping on the couch, too. When John drinks, he snores - REALLY LOUD. I can't stand it, so I end up going out to the living room so that I can sleep. But, sleeping on the couch is not as comfortable as my bed, so while I do get to sleep in peace, it's still not a great nights sleep. And no, John won't sleep on the couch. If his snoring bothers me, then that's my problem, right?!

Yes, I know this has been a complete bitch session. I just had to get it out. I've felt so worthless and stupid all week. I just want to curl up in a ball and cry. What can I do? If I tell John I don't want him to spend so much time at the bar, he says that he works hard all day and how dare I try to take time away from his friends. If I say nothing, he thinks everything is great while I am dying inside. I'm so frustrated.

Cardboard Boat Race

2005-09-05T14:02:00.000-05:00

Every year, the bar across the lake from us, The Springs, celebrates their anniversary with a day of water games, fireworks, and a ski show. Part of the water games is the cardboard boat race.

Last year, Jacob won the race, so he had to defend his title this year. He and John spent an evening down in the shop creating his boat. Sunday was the big race. We brought his boat down to the shore line and looked around. Hmm, don't see any other kids lining up their boats.

As it turned out, Jacob was the only kid with a boat! Last year, there were probably 8-10! So Jacob had to race with the adults. He took second place! He was so pumped! His prize was a $25 gift certificate to The Springs. As soon as he had it in hand, he was asking when could he take everyone out to eat? So cute. He was on cloud nine the rest of the day.

School Daze

2005-09-05T13:45:00.000-05:00

Thursday was the first day of school for Jacob. First, he was mad at me because I wouldn't let him ride the bus to school. Last year, he complained nearly every day that he had to ride! Then when I dropped him off, he jumped out of the van before I hardly stopped. I asked him if he wanted me to wait for his class to be called in (as I have in the past). He said no, slammed the door and ran off. I officially felt like an uncool mom. *sniff*

Jessica and I went to 4 year old kindergarten meet and greet Thursday afternoon. She got to bring in all her school supplies, visit with her teacher, and meet a couple of her classmates. We had to make cookies because on the first day of school, the 4K was going to have a cookie party. Jessica asked why her teacher's name is Mrs. Barz and not Mrs. Cookies. I thought it was funny.

On Jessica's first day, Friday, I waited in line with her for her class to be called in. Jacob rode the bus in. Thirteen little 4 year olds waiting in line for their teacher to come get them. They were so stinkin' cute! Their backbacks were almost bigger than they were! When Mrs. Barz (cookies?!) came out, they all smiled and giggled as they walked in behind her.

I picked Jessica up at 11:15. 4K only goes for three hours. She saw me and came running. She was talking a mile a minute telling me everything they did. She is such a social bug! They got to play dinosaurs, and read stories, and go out for recess and have milk break and color and *breath* play house and playdough and made lots of new friends! I think she liked it!

Jessica wants to ride the bus in the mornings with Jacob. We're going to try it tomorrow. See how it goes. Since I have to go into town for work, it's not a big deal for me to drop her off. I'm sure that she will be fine on the bus...it's just hard for mommy to let go!

Tag! I'm it?!

2005-08-31T16:32:00.000-05:00

Gee, thanks, Amanda!

Here's my quiz....

1. What is the ratio of sexy panties to granny panties currently in your possession?

Well, Jan, I am actually a big fan of 'butt floss', but I don't know if they qualify as 'sexy'. For the most part, they are Victoria's Secret cotton thongs or Hanes Her Way. However, I do have a nice collection of definately sexy panties that my sister gave me as a birthday gift a few years ago that I can finally fit my arse in to! All lacy and silky. Makes me feel all girly.

2. Pretend you won one of the "make your dreams come true" deals that Oprah is always giving away. What would you ask for?

Wouldn't that be something?! The unselfish part of me would want to build better Humane Societies because I'm always so sad at the conditions of them when we go visit. I'd also like to end hunger and poverty and Amanda's idea of world peace sounds pretty nice, too.

The selfish part of me would ask for a house in wine country (don't care which country, just a wine one! LOL!), with a vineyard and staff for the house, me, and the vineyard! I'd also want to be pampered at least once a week with facial, massage, manicure, petticure, a shopping trip, all that good stuff. I'd wanna glow, baby! I suppose I'd also wish for the newest toys (atv's, snowmobiles, boats, etc) for the family. Oh, and lots of money so that we could travel with them and buy the fancy accessories to go with. Yeah, that should be selfish enough! LOL!

3. Describe your high school days in one word.

Imaginative. We were in rural Wisconsin.

4. If you could shag any celebrity in the world, who would be your top three picks?

Named in random order.....I'd take whomever walked thru the door first!

1. Paul Walker - he's so dreamy.

2. Colin Farrell - he's so Irish and, mmmm, naughty!

3. Matthew McConaughey - those dimples?! that southern accent?! Oh, yeah!

5. If you had all the money in the world, more than you could ever spend in four lifetimes, would you eat some?

Umm, no. Money's pretty gross. All the hands it goes thru, everything it touches, Ew.

6. Tag three people.

1. Cat

2. Jessica

3. Tiff

How's it goin'?

2005-08-31T15:50:00.000-05:00

It's goin' good. I started work for Kurt on Monday. I was very nervous about 1)enjoying the job and 2) being able to do the job. The girl that trained me did a very good job by letting me actually do the work while she explained as we went along. I'm a big time 'have to do it to learn it' type, so this was the perfect way to train me!

I am finding and scheduling loads for eight trucks and feel pretty good about it. I enjoy organizing things. I also think that I will be able to take over a lot more from Kurt. The girl that was there knew that she was only going ot be there for the summer, so she didn't venture into too much more than the basics.

I used to work as a field service coordinator. I took care of scheduling guys to work around the world on bulk palletizing/depalletizing equipment. I also did their payroll, expense reports, and customer billing. I worked with the accounting department on budgets, accounts receivable, etc. It was a job I really enjoyed. So why did I leave it? Funny story.

John (before we were married or even involved) would sometimes go on the road for customer service when all of our regular guys were booked. In fact, the first time I met John was when he came back from traveling.

I was in the high school to work program when I was a senior. I would go to Busse's during the last two periods of the day. I was the 'helper' for the lady who's postition I actually took over after I graduated.

So I was doing the service guys' expense reports and John's was in the group. I was going thru them and something on John's caught my eye. I brought it over to Pam and said, "I don't think the service guys can charge beer and cigarettes on their expense reports, can they?!" Pam got on the intercom and called John over to scold him for trying to pass that off on the 'new girl'.

Fast forward 3 years and John is now in my department. My co-worker, Darci, would always ask what I thought about John. I would say very nicely,

"He's a short little freak."

'Ah, the lady doth protest too much.' Darci would say.

John and I both lived in Fox Lake at the time. I was going thru my divorce and trying my best at single parenting Jacob - oh, and I was 19. John was going thru a very bad break-up as well. We still refer to her as 'that crazy bitch'.

We started talking at work and that led to talking on the phone in the evening. Pretty soon he was coming over to watch movies and keep me company after I put Jacob to sleep.

Then it was Valentine's Day. Our department (about 8 of us) were going to go out to eat and go dancing. Everyone cancelled except John and me! So we ended up going out and having a wonderful time - as friends!

Over the next month, John came over more and more and we talked more and more and I was more and more attracted to him!

We had another 'group outing' and this time everyone did come along. After that outing, John came back to my apartment because the light bulb in my front entry was out and I couldn't get the glass globe off - no joke! So John brought his tools over (hehe) and was going to change my light bulb (hehe).

He got it fixed and he came in the living room where I was. He sat down next to me, gathered me up, and kissed me.

*sigh*

Then he carried me (I only weighed about 115 at the time LOL!) into the bedroom where we talked for hours and snuggled until we fell asleep in each other's arms.

'nother *sigh*

And yes! We only slept! Get your minds out of the gutter! LOL!

The next week, he told me that he had a gift for me. He always had silly little gifts - he'd bring me a book of matches from anywhere and everywhere, a free key chain, a fake rose so that it wouldn't die, etc. So I was expecting another silly gift.

He came over and pulled out a long, black velvet box. I was like, 'hmmm'. Then I opened it. It was a diamond bracelet. *wow*

I told him that I couldn't accept something so expensive. He said that he was so happy being with me and it would make him even happier if I would take the bracelet.

Well, I didn't want to disappoint the man now, did I? LOL!

This was in March. We continued to date.

In June, we got called into the VP of Human Resources. She told us we could not both stay in Customer Service. If we broke up, I might sue John of sexual harrasement. Keep in mind - we were already engaged (another story for another day)!

She gave us the choice - John could move back to engineering or I could move into a data entry position in the manufacturing department. We could talk it over and let her know in a few days.

Well, John ended up staying in Customer Service and I moved to Manufacturing. It was not a very challenging job. When John and I got married, I quit and went to work part time at an insurance agency.

Oh, there's now the 'John & Nikki' clause in the employee handbook which states that employees in the same department may not have relations with each other. hehehe

We love telling this story when people ask how we met. Always brings a smile to our faces!

Road Trip & A New Job

2005-08-28T12:41:00.000-05:00

We went up to Green Bay today. We had to go to a birthday party for John's aunt on his dad's side of the family. We don't usually see this part of the family. They are a rougher group.

Takes us a little over two hours to get up to Green Bay. None of us really wanted to go. John was super crabby because his shoulder hurt. He thinks that he pulled something when we were splitting wood the other day. The kids have a hard time sitting still for that long. I just plain didn't want to go because we don't even know this part of the family and I knew it would be awkward.

We spent about two hours at the party. Two hours too much! Let's just say we did not have a good time.

Two more hours back home.

On the way home, my sister, Heather called me. Her boyfriend, Kurt, is looking for a new dispatcher/bookkeeper for his trucking business. I do Heather's books for her drafting business, so she suggested me to Kurt. So, it looks like I have a job.

John is, of course, thrilled. He is all about whatever he has to do, I should, too. Since he has to go to work everyday, he believes that I should, too. We don't really need the money, we are doing fine. He just thinks it's unfair that I get to..."do whatever you want whenever you want during the day."

Sure.

Whatever I do, whenever I do it, there are two kids along. It's not like I'm sitting around watching soapies eating bon bons all day long. That's only half the day - JUST KIDDING!

I'm always working on something. If it's not a garden project, it's running around with the kids. Not to mention keeping up the house and making sure that a meat and potatoes meal is on the table at 5pm when John gets home from work.

It will be interesting with me working. It'll be from 8a-2p. So, not really full time. I really didn't want to work until at least next year. Jessica is in 4 year old kindergarten this fall, so she will go to school from 8-11. At least I will be able to go pick her up and bring her back to my sister's house where Kurt keeps his office.

I have to go there tomorrow so that the girl that is leaving (Wednesday is her last day) can train me a little. I told Heather that Kurt and I will have to give each other a 30 day trial period. If it's not working for either of us, we can say so after 30 days and he will find someone else.

I really have mixed feelings about it.

Girl's Night Out

2005-08-28T10:25:00.000-05:00

The kids were driving me a little crazy this week. It's always more difficult when John's out of town. Jacob and Jessica always seem to want to go in different directions and want me to go with them. If only I could clone myself on these days!

On Thursday, I asked John if I could call Julie and Sherry to go out to eat and do a little shopping Friday night. He said sure, so I made the arrangements.

The next day, John called me and said the guys really wanted to watch the Packer game. I was like, okay, then watch it. He says it will be difficult with the kids there. I said, you want me to say that we will not go out to eat and stay home with the kids so that you guys can watch the game uninterupted. He said YES! I told him that's really fucked up.

The guys take off all the time for golf games, down to the bar after work, working on each other's vehicles, and other little projects, all while we (the girls) are home with the kids. When I ask for ONE evening out of the house, he wants me to cancel my plans for a stupid football game??!! It's not even regular season! John doesn't even usually watch football!!

I told him that he was being very unfair. He that if I was going to go, he was going to see if my parents would watch our kids and Steve and Danny were going to get sitters, too. Whatever.

As it turned out, Danny and Julie couldn't find a sitter. Steve (Sherry's boyfriend) said it wasn't a big deal to pick up her son, Kyle. John came home from work all pissed off and said that I fucked up the night for him. When Julie called and said they couldn't find a sitter, I told her that Danny should just bring the kids over. I guess I wasn't supposed to have done that. Stupid me.

So Danny came over with Allison (2 yrs) and left Ben (1 yr) with his brother. Steve came over with Kyle (4 yrs) and John had Jacob (8 yrs) and Jessica (4yrs). Four kids, three guys. Not a big deal, right?!

Sherry, Julie, and I finally left for Applebee's around 6:30-6:45. We had a very nice time visiting. Then we walked over to Kohl's. We were there until about 9:15.

When we left Kohl's, Julie got a phone call from Danny's brother asking where Danny was. Apparently, Danny was supposed to have picked up Ben by 8:30p. Everything just blew up from there. Julie was screaming at Danny 'why can't you be responsible for just one night??!', blah, blah, blah. Danny ended up hanging up on her. She breaks down saying how she hates him and is going to end up divorcing him. Then she says that would be too easy and she'll just make him miserable.

We dropped Sherry off at her house and Julie and I went to Randolph to pick up Ben. It was pouring out. I could only go about 35-40mph because it was raining so hard.

We finally get to the house only to find out that Danny had just picked up Ben. Then I have to take Julie home. I finally got home around 11p.

John was fine when I got home. He said it wasn't bad at all with the kids. Duh. When they're all together, they play really good. John and I talked about the whole Danny/Julie situation. Said they really need some counseling. They both have a hard time being responsible with money. Whenever one of them has to stay home with the kids, the other one gets really mad. The ironic thing is that Julie is always saying that next summer, they're going to get pregnant again. They are the only ones that think that's a good idea.

The next morning, John was talking to Steve. Danny called Sherry at 11:30p and said that Julie was freaking out, saying she wanted to kill herself. Julie got on the phone and said that somebody needed to commit her to Mendota (mental health institute). They talked for about an hour and I guess Julie calmed down.

John doesn't want to get involved at all. He said that it's none of our business. I don't agree. It seems obvious to me that they need some intervention. Of course, me saying that is like the pot calling the kettle black. John wouldn't ever do counseling. He doesn't think he does anything wrong. Seriously. When I first got my Effexor (anti-depress med) prescrip, I was in counseling. The counselor asked John to come in to talk with us. He sat there the whole time with his arms crossed over his chest saying that he thought our life was great, that he was great, that we were great. He's very frustrating that way.

Passion Party

2005-08-24T12:01:00.000-05:00

So last night was the big Passion Party . I had so much fun! Maybe a little too much fun. I have a headache this morning from induldging in one too many glasses of wine. I'm such a light weight since starting NS! After three glasses of wine I'm almost drunk!

The girls and I laughed, giggled, and snickered at the various items that the consultant showed us. We got to taste a variety of lotions, try perfumes with pheromones, get glittered up, and use a lotion that glowed in the dark (use your imagination). We got to play with 'toys' and were amazed at the imaginations of the people that design them!

I should explain the picture. That's my sister, Heather, and friend, Julie, exchanging the purple penis. Heather's future sister-in-law, Kelly, is looking on. Everytime the consultant said, "Penis" the guests had to say "Penis". The first one to shout it out got the big buddy. The one that had it had to put it between her legs and walk it over to the new keeper of the big boy. It was freakin' hilarious!

The party started at 6:30 and the last guest didn't leave until after 11p! After the consultant left, a couple of my good friends stayed and we opened a couple bottles of wine and visited. It was so nice.

John was in St. Louis for business, so here I was, smelling good, tasting good, all glittered and glowing in the dark with no one to enjoy it (but, would he even if he was home?!). He called later and asked how it went. Didn't ask what I got. I didn't tell him, either. I thought I'd wait until he got home to tell him. See if he's even interested.

I am very excited with my purchases! I got Fireworks edible body lotion to hopefully heat things up, Truth or Dare game to hopefully open things up, and a little treat for me for when John is out of town - no I'm not going to tell you what - I gotta leave a little something to your imagination! LOL! My hostess gift was Pure Instinct and Pure Satisfaction. Can't wait to try it all!

My sister and friend booked a party from mine. The new catalog will be out when they have theirs. Oooo - and I get a 10% discount at their parties. Can't let that go to waste! LOL!!

Warning: Sexual content

2005-08-22T17:22:00.000-05:00

I'm having a Passion Party tomorrow. I'm so excited! As guests respond, so many of them say, "I don't know who's more excited, me or my hubby!"

Wish I could say the same about mine.

Last night I was looking at the party catalog and I asked John to look with me. He took less than a minute and picked out a couple lotions. I started to show him my list and as I was talking about it, he says, "I think this winter I'll put the snowmobile trailer under the pontoon boat."

What??!!

Where the hell did that come from?

Now, when I went to my friend's Passion Party, I asked John what I should get and he said, "We don't need anything."

Well, how absolutely boring!

I get that he isn't into bringing 'toys' into the bedroom, but is there anything wrong with a little (edible?) massage lotion, a little bubble bath? I think not.

I've always felt that I was the more, to put it politely, aggressive one in our relationship. I believe that I initiate more, that I'm more adventurous, and, quite frankly, more giving.

Also, I feel like the more weight I lose, the less interest he shows for me. I want to feel sexy and desired. I want him to, God! Everything! I want him to make me feel sexy. I want him to look at me like he wants me. I want him to touch me. I want more than a chaste kiss on the check or lips. Pull me into your arms and make my knees go weak! Show me that I'm more to you than a housekeeper/cook/babysitter during the day, a helper for your weekend projects, and a quick way to get off at night! I feel so stupid; I'm actually starting to cry.

I was reading a book the other day and something in it really hit home. A mother was telling her daughter that when she (the daughter) was in a relationship, make sure that her lover loves/wants her more than she loves/wants him.

I wonder if John received the same talk.

Additional Notes:

I get that a man (or woman in some cases) may not want to think that something more is needed/desired in the bedroom because he/she isn't enough. But I wasn't wanting to buy vibrators or butt plugs (Yikes)! My list consisted of edible lotions, bath salts, etc. The most erotic thing on my list was a feather tickler - which I was told not to get!

I do not think that John is cheating on me. That is one thing that neither of us would tolerate. And we do kiss - it's just rarely anything earthshattering. Before he leaves for work, we exchange kisses and hugs. Same when he gets home.

Maybe (probably?) I'm just a bitch and asking for too much. Just as I am aggressive, he is not. Maybe I turn him off? Maybe I should play the shy, demure wife? It's just so not me. *sigh*

I love him dearly, and I know that he loves me. I just find him so sexy and I wish that he would feel - and show - the same for me.

I want 140's!!!! Wahhhhhh!

2005-08-18T12:17:00.000-05:00

It's so close - two pounds away. Yet so elusive! This Tuesday (weigh in day) was 152. I was feeling like today might be a skinny day, so I jumped on the scale. Still 152. *sigh* I've been such a good girl! Just drop, dammit!!!

Hasn't been a very exciting week so far. The kids are finishing up their swimming lessons. Today was supposed to be there last day (testing), but it was raining and only 65 out, so they were cancelled. We'll go tomorrow.

They were fighting like mad yesterday! I'm so sick of the fighting. I just let them yell at each other. Pretty soon I heard Jacob crying "Jessica bit me!" and then a thwap! "Wahhhh, Jacob hit me!". Ugh. 10 minutes later they went running outside together to build a fort. I swear they have a conspiracy designed to drive me crazy! 14 days until the first day of school.....

I got the class lists for both of them this week. Jessica will go to 4 year old kindergarten from 8-11:15am. This is good. I can get everyone out of the house in the morning and have a couple hours to myself. John says that I will just go back to bed, but I said, no I'll actually be able to get things done in a timely manner because I won't hear "Moooooooooooooooooommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!!!!" all the time! LOL!

We played our last regular game of league volleyball last nite. Next week tourneys start. We played the #1 team last night. Oh, we really wanted to kick their asses!! They were so cocky! We had them on a run 9-1. Then they came back with a wicked server. They ended up winning 14-11. Bummer.

I really like playing volleyball. We were talking about joining the winter co-ed league. That would be good. It's difficult for me to be motivated to exercise in the winter. Can't go outside to rollerblade or for a walk unless you like walking in boots, hats, gloves, snowpants, etc.

Our September is going to be very busy. I was looking at the calendar this am. Every weekend is filled! Lots of family events and even some adult play time! We're going to go 4 wheeling one weekend with friends. The last weekend of the month we're going to help John's cousin at their wine fest. They own Von Stiehl winery in Algoma, WI (by Door Cty). It's a hoot! And all the free wine I can drink....maybe not so much this year! LOL!

Dr. Visit

2005-08-15T19:32:00.000-05:00

I had to go to the dr today to get my Effexor (anti-depressant/anti-anxiety) prescrip renewed. Also wanted to get my foot looked at. It's been two weeks since my 'wrestling' injury and my foot is still swollen.

I haven't been to the dr since last year when I got my prescrip renewed. When the nurse called me back, she said, wow, you've lost weight. Then she weighed me and said, wow, you've REALLY lost weight. I preened only a little. LOL! So nice when people notice!

So I got X rays taken and found out that it's not broken, just sprained. Dr. said that I should be icing it 3 times a day. It's difficult for me to sit still long enough to ice it - let alone do it 3 times a day!

Then we have 'the talk'. I always feel like my dr wants me to get off of the Effexor. I've been on it for almost four years. At each visit, he asks me if I've tried to wean myself off. The answer is always yes, several times, with no success. When I try to lower the dose or go off them completely, I'm a totally different person. My husband can tell immediately when I'm off or on a lower dose - and immediately drags me to the kitchen to take my correct prescrip. Could have something to do with the hyperventilating, the sobbing, and snapping that overcomes me. I am just a wreck without it.

I explain all this to the dr. He says ok and renews the prescrip. Then, before handing it to me, asks how's my diet, exercise. I say good and explain that I've lost 23 lbs using NS and have been exercising regularly - up until hurting my foot. He asks if I'm taking time for myself, getting out of the house. I laugh. He tells me to work on that and hands me the prescrip.

Maybe I'm too much of a homebody. I like being at home. When John and I go away (which isn't very often!) I'm glad to get back home. And when I get time for myself, I don't feel like calling a friend to go shopping or anything. I am very selfish and just want to be completely alone. I'd rather go to the library or outside and read a book. Is that wrong?

I used to really hate - seriously DESPISE - being dependant on the Effexor to get thru the day. But, I've come to terms with the fact that if I WANT to get thru the day, I need it. I guess it's like anything else - one day at a time.

Hot or Not

2005-08-14T12:45:00.000-05:00

Ok, we can thank Megan for introducing us to the website Hot or Not.

Several on the NSBB (Nutri System Bulletin Board) have submitted a picture to be rated. Although it is somewhat of an ego deflater, it's fun to go thru all the pics! Be careful - it's also very addicting! I guess it's better than reaching for the oreos, right?!

Here's my pic - Hot or Not Please be kind! LOL!

Let me know your address if you are brave enough to put one up!

Wedding = Love, Romance, Cake....

2005-08-13T22:54:00.000-05:00

We went to my cousin's wedding today. It was beautiful. It was outside at the groom's parents' house. It was drizzling a little when we got there, but quit by time the ceremony was over.

I was a little nervous that I would binge at the supper. I did fabulous! I filled half my plate with steamed veggies, had a *little* scoop of potatoes and gravy, and had a fist size portion of turkey. Just peachy. Dishes were cleared and I was ready for the dancing to begin.

Then the cake lady came 'round.

Cake lady - "Would you like a piece of cake?"

Me - no, no just say no "Yes, please."

*sigh*

Well, at least I danced off a lot of calories spinning Jessica around the dance floor. Jacob is officially 'too cool' to dance with Mom anymore. He sat at the table looking completely bored until we left.

Jacob and I had a good day together yesterday. My mom took Jessica and Jacob and I went to Madison for back to school shopping. Good grief was that an expensive day! Jessica will be in 4 year old kindergarten this fall, so it was double the back packs, double the gym shoes, double the....you get the idea.

We spent the day going thru Kohl's, the mall, Target. Jacob wanted to go to Old Country Buffet for supper. Oh, no - dessert buffet, *gulp*! All went well. I had a huge salad and fruit for the majority of my meal. Had a little steak - only a little because it was not very good.

On the way home, Jacob was complaining that his feet hurt from walking so much. Who ever said shopping wasn't good exercise?! On the plus side - NSV? - I wasn't tired from all the walking at all.

It was really nice to have a day just with Jacob. I should plan more stuff with just him and I before he's too cool to hang out with Mom at all!

Onward and Downward

2005-08-09T12:15:00.000-05:00

I just wanted to share a picture of Jessica and me from the Packer game. I love this pic.

I weighed in at 153 today. Woo hoo! I'm pumped! The week after the poker run was crappy. Last week when I weighed in, I was 157. Knew that was a lot from drinking so much - and I ain't talking water! Also, TOM didn't help. I was so glad to see 153 today.

I'd like to start doing NS with my own food. I have an autoship going out Aug 10. I'll delay the next one for a few weeks. There are so many great recipes out there. Love looking at Amy's blog for ideas. It's just kinda scary to think about going back to 'real' food. Can I do it? Will I eat too much? Will I not be satisfied and go for junk food? I've never been much of a calorie/nutritional value counter, so the task is somewhat daunting.

Hopefully, after another month on NS food, I will be within 5 pounds of my goal weight, which is 140. When I'm at 145 - Sept 10 is the goal - I'll try doing my own food. Promise. No, really. Stop laughing. I'm gonna do it.

Packer Game

2005-08-06T13:16:00.000-05:00

Friday night the kids and I experienced our first Packer game. John used to go as a kid when he lived in Green Bay. We went up early and tailgated, went shopping at the Pro Shop, and threw the football around. I can't believe that I've lived in WI my whole life and this was my first time at a Packer game and tailgating!

The Packers scrimmaged against the Buffalo Bills, so it wasn't a real game, but still fun to watch. After the game, 20 jerseys were given away and they had fireworks. Man, I would've really liked Favre's jersey! No such luck, tho.

Know what my favorite part about football is? The huddles. Just something about those tight buns all grouped together cased in spandex. Yummy.

It was a late night. By the time we got home, it was 1am. The kids slept in a little later this morning, but not as long as I would've liked! They are a little crabby today. John took Jacob to my sister's to help with some remodeling. Jessica and I are cleaning house today. We might have some friends over later to go swimming. It's beautiful here! Mid 80's and sunny - just perfect in my opinion!

NSV!!!

2005-08-04T12:05:00.000-05:00

I had a NSV (Non-Scale Victory) yesterday! Two years ago, my sister gave me a couple pairs of pretty panties for my birthday, since I never buy myself pretty ones. They didn't fit, so I banished them to the back of my underwear drawer. When I was in my cleaning mood last week, I found them. Thought, 'Hmm, I'm going to move these to the front of the drawer and see if they fit. Well........

When I was getting dressed yesterday, I pulled open my underwear drawer and those pretties were calling out to me! I slipped into them and they fit over my ass and hips! Yippie!!!

It's amazing how pretty undergarments can boost self-esteem! I was feeling sassy all day. I got a little exercise last night - DH, too! hehehe

Poker Run

2005-08-02T11:36:00.000-05:00

This weekend we went on a Poker Run. For those that don't know what this is, we go to five bars on the lake. At each bar, we shake dice. The person with the highest score at the last bar wins a prize - cash on this one. John and I took three other couples on our pontoon boat and the adventure began!

What a crazy, great time we had. NS was completely out the window today! Actually, I had quite the liquid diet - Smirnoff to be exact. A couple of details are still a bit fuzzy.

We played air hockey, danced on the boat, and wrestled. Yeah, wrestled.

Apparently, one of the other girls, Sherry, and I decided to see if we could take down Danny, whom is about 6'3" and 230-250 pounds. Well, we took him down, or maybe it was the other way around. However it happened, I got a sprained ankle out of the deal. Fortunately, it didn't hurt too much....until I started to sober up. By time we got back home, it was swelling up pretty good and was turning green. So I've been hobbling around. I haven't attempted exercising yet. Yeah, I'm just so bummed about that! ;)

I took a lot of pictures. Click on the photo album link to the right to check them out.

2005-07-30T11:11:00.001-05:00

Brave?! Crazy?! Absolutely!

2005-07-30T11:11:00.000-05:00

The dreaded bikini picture! Bought myself a new bikini thinking that with 20 lbs lost, it might look good. Ugh! If only I could get rid of that tire around my middle, fade those stretch marks and erase that emergency c-section scar, it might look good! Ah, well, battle scars, right, moms?! I swear, there's a six pack hiding under there!

Keeping Busy

2005-07-29T13:30:00.000-05:00

Don't know what's wrong with me this week. I've been trying to keep busy by doing major cleaning, because if I'm not doing something, I've been feeling really down in the dumps. It's been really difficult to get myself going in the morning. I just want to pull the covers up and want everyone to leave me alone. It's horrible because it's been beautiful outside - I should be out in the garden.

I went thru our bedroom closets and dressers yesterday. I got rid of all my 14's and a lot of my 12's (kepts a couple things around for fat days!). Then I brought up a bunch of my 10's and 8's. The 10's are fitting good. 8's are still a little snug, but as long as I don't have to sit down....LOL!!

Today I'm tackling the kids' rooms. Thought it would be good to clean everything out so that I know what they need for school. Jessica is so excited that she gets to go to 4 year old kindergarten. Jacob wants summer vacation to go on forever! Me, I'm going to have a party for myself on the first day of school! Mimosas all around!

All Better

2005-07-25T09:47:00.000-05:00

Okay. I'm over my drama from Friday night. John and I talked and I told him how disrespectful was. I don't know if he really 'got it', but at least it's all out.

I've been very proud of myself by staying on track. Last night for supper I made some chive biscuits - yummy. I had one and then packaged the rest away so they wouldn't tempt me anymore! That was my one and only cheat for the week.

I've also been exercising everyday. Today I've already rollerbladed about 4 miles and did my Fit to Strip DVD with Carmen Electra. Still waiting for that dancer's body that she promises.....LOL!

Being good all week definately paid off. I'm down to 154 as of this morning. Just have to keep that determination high!

Tonight I'm going to a Passion Party with the girls. Should be lots of fun and giggling! I hope I learn something new - wink, wink!

The Endless Glass

2005-07-24T14:01:00.000-05:00

On Friday, John and I went to a birthday party at a bar. Friday morning, I told John that I wanted to eat supper - didn't want to stay at the bar all night. Also, we had to be home early to pick up Jessica from my parent's house because they were leaving early Sat. morning for a trip. Okay he says. Yeah.

I met him at the party at 4:30p. Having fun, talking with some people that I haven't seen for awhile (and yes, they commented on the weight loss, yea). I had my one and only drink that I allowed myself for the evening. Around 8p, I walk up to John and say, I'm hungry, let's go eat. He says, There's food out.

There's food out.

I tell him that a cheese tray and chips do not supper make!

He says that we'll go after he finishes his beer. Alrighty! Now we're getting somewhere!

Now, you must know that when I get hungry, I get moody! And when John gets drunk, he gets lovey.

So he's trying to hold my hand, put his arm around my waist, all while holding onto that damn beer! We're talking to other couples and someone fills up John's beer.

Hmmm. Maybe he'll just put the beer down so we can go?

Not a chance. Can you see the steam starting to come out of my ears?

Behave, I tell myself. Turn myself back to the conversation.

Fast forward to 9pm. John's glass has never gotten past halfway gone because someone keeps refilling it. I am seriously steaming. I want to leave, I want to eat! Someone pops over and refills his glass AGAIN! Come ON!

I rip my hand away from John and tell him I am leaving now. Walk out the door and drive away.

Mr. Dumbass finally hauls himself home at midnight. Told him he shouldn't have driven home himself. He said that he was fine. He wasn't when I left him, but, then again, that was THREE HOURS AGO!

Can someone please explain to me why men feel that they don't have to answer to anyone?! This isn't the first time that John has stayed out at the bar late. Even when we're together, it's so difficult to get him to leave the bar.

I like having a good time, like anyone else, but enough is enough! I'm really getting sick of being the only parent in the house. You know what he would do if when he walked in the door after work and I breezed out and said I was going to the bar for a few hours? He would freak out! He doesn't even want me to be a den leader for my son's Cub Scout pack because "it takes too much time away from our family."

When I tell him that his being at the bar takes time away from his family, he tells me that he has to go to work everyday and how dare I try to take away the time he spends with his friends.

Agggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Bump, Set, Spike

2005-07-21T09:57:00.000-05:00

Wednesday means volleyball night for my DH and me. There are thirteen teams that play thru the summer on sand courts at one of the local bars.

Usually Wednesday also means a couple (OKAY, several!) drinks. I went armed with my big jug of ice water and treated myself to a diet coke - plain - no Captain Morgan or Malibu added!

Yea, me! Third day of being cheat free!

We lost, but we played hard. I love playing volleyball.

I also love the feeling of being cheat free. I hope that this drive to get to goal lasts until....goal! LOL!

Could it be?!

2005-07-19T19:56:00.000-05:00

Two days cheat free??!! Oh yeah! I am feeling sooo good!

Not only was I 100% NS today, I also got in lots of exercise. I did my Carmen Electra Fit to Strip DVD - the workout was tough today since I haven't done it in over a month! Those last few crunches were really weak! Then I stained our deck posts and stairs.

After supper, the kids and I went for a bike ride. I had Jessica on the bike seat behind me. Her knees kept digging into my butt -she's getting way too big for the bike seat! Jacob wanted to race, so Jessie and I kicked 'er into high. I think we went about two miles. Not racing all the way, mind you. We had to ride slow by some of the flower gardens to see how things were growin'.

I had an eye appointment this afternoon to see if I've had any improvement in my vision. I had LASIK in January. My vision was so bad, that they almost weren't able to do LASIK on me! What a difference! No more contacts to mess around with, no more ugly glasses - trust me, my glasses were ugly! They were so old, that one lens had a crack thru it and there were little cracks around the edges of both lenses!

Anyhoo...

My vision is at about 20/30, which is just fantastic IMO! Dr. said that it will just keep improving over time. I just find the whole thing amazing!

The other night, we saw a turtle down by the shoreline (we live on Beaver Dam Lake). When we went to investigate, we saw that it was digging a nest. We checked back tonite to see what we could find. Above is a picture of what we found. The kids were facinated and now we have lots of turtle questions flying around our house.

Of course, Jessica wants to know if she can keep one as a pet when they hatch. Momma's gonna have to pass on that one! Two kids, two cats, and a husband are enough animals for me!

Cheat Free!

2005-07-18T20:05:00.000-05:00

100% NutriSystem Day! I made it thru today without cheating! This is the first time in about 2 months that I can say that....it feels good! If I can just stay on track!

I'm not someone that can have just a taste of something. Once it's in my mouth, I go for more and more and more and - well, you get the idea.

DH and I went to Madison to pick up my ring. My sweetie bought me two anniversary bands to add to my wedding ring. When I put it on, I was like, "Whoa". Lots of sparkle. It's going to take awhile to get used to! My mom was teasing me that my left arm will get toned now that I have to lug this thing around! LOL!

Also, was very proud of myself in Madison. DH suggested that we go to Cracker Barrel for supper. I LUV their Chicken & Dumplings, Fried Apples, and Sourdough Rolls (ugh, my mouth is watering to think of it!). I told him nope, let's go home so that I can put together my NS meal. Then that poop went thru Dairy Queen and ordered an M & M Blizzard. At least he didn't get my favorite - peanut butter cup!

We got home and I made my supper and big salad and now am pleasantly full. Once I get the kids to sleep, I'm going to take myself rollerblading. DH is already in bed with a tummy ache from DQ. hehehehe Karma, baby!

2005-07-17T18:41:00.000-05:00

My dirty hubby, John

2005-07-17T18:22:00.000-05:00

Jacob and his chick

2005-07-17T18:21:00.000-05:00

Jessiebug

2005-07-17T18:05:00.000-05:00

Jacob and me after atving. Trails were just a little dusty....

2005-07-17T17:58:00.000-05:00

Here's me on 7/15/05. 20 lbs lighter from my start with NS on 2/25/05.

Recommit

2005-07-17T17:25:00.000-05:00

Time to recommit myself to Nutri System. Why am I spending so much money each month and then destroying any chance I have to loose by eating everything that's NOT on plan??!!

I lost 20lbs and people were noticing. Then it's like I thought "People can see a change in me, so that's enough." But it's not!!!

I'm still not where I want to be! 15 more pounds would make me happy - 25 more would make me estatic! I got back to 130 after my daughter was born 4 years ago. Why did I let myself go? Got up to 175 before it was like, gee, guess I had better stop stuffing my face!

So....

I'm making myself a promise not to self-sabatoge anymore. I paid lots of money to get the NS food! No more Dairy Queen runs, no more buying snacks 'for the kids'. I'm going to stay on track. I'm going to make time for myself to exercise. And, damnit, I'm going to get to goal!!!